safeguard granted by a military officer in authority, which may or may not be the consideration of a prior parole or promise made to the officer by the recipient of the safeguard. The one is a promise made the other a privilege granted, and they may be dependent or independent of each other. When the nature of a parole was explained to the witness by the president of the commission he at once declared that no such promise was made by me at that interview.
If I could settle this variance of the wo respectable and honorable gentlemen by any memory of mine in that interview I would do it no matter what peril to me might follow. But I cannot. My mind was in a paroxysm. In the whirl of the soul which then stirred me I remember only two prominent ideas - one was a burning wish to see my dying wife, and as to another matter they presented to me about an arrangement with the Government time was given me to make up my mind. I was consciously incapable of connected thought - I think they said ten days. If anythink passed there beyond the privilege to see and be with my wife and the further provilege of ten days to determine my future course it mede no impression upon me that survived the moment. I know I felt gratefull to the Government officers for the generous kindness they evinced for me in deep dejection of soul - the deepest of my life. It was as unexpected as it was kind, for I had given up all hope of such favor expect upon a condition impossible for me - that is a precedent oath of allegiance to a government from which I rebelle on principle and a conscientionus conviction of duty. Hence I took the peril of the fire of sentinels and pickets to smatch momentary interviews with my wife. This much I will say also that if Colonel Brown asked me thether I in the meantime - that is while I was permitted to stay at home - or during the period of time allowed me to make up my mind as to what arrangement I would make with the Government I have no doubt if I understook him that I answered in the affirmative. It is not pretended that I gave any parole at my house that night after I was conducted there. Nor can it by justly urged that I gave any parole on the subsequent occasion when Colonel Hughes brought me thee second safeguard. He was not authourized to take it but he acquits me of giving any promise or parole except the constructive one which [he] says he inplied from the supposition that I accepted the safeguard. To the last Colonel Hughes did not succeed in ridding his mind of the confusion involved by confounding two things so essentially different as a parole and a safeguard.
This acceptance of the second paper as an absolute and final adjustment with the Government is an error also produced from taking things for granted which were not expressed. He admits I never said I accepted it. The fact is manifest to me now that Colonel Hughes interpreted every expression or act of mine in any degree equivocal during that period by the standard of his feelings. He was, had been and I believa still is my friend, and I am proud of his friendship. He disapproved of the course I felt it to be my duty to take in our present unhappy domestic war. He ardently desired me to be once more at peace with the Government and his desires led him to deductions and inferences which he would not have made in dealing with one indifferent to him. He knew well that I would not take the oath of allegiance even to be by the bedside of a dying wife life was a prt of mine. But when I said there are strong and powerful reasons why I should