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Letter No 34
New Orleans Feb 12th 1864
Friday evening
My Dearest Hortense.
I was rejoiced to day at receiving No 26 from you. I was rejoiced
for several reasons among which were the following, It was a good
long one, and was full of love for me, and it had lately come from
home. It was written the very day I arrived here. --- the
31st of Jun.
No. 24 has yet to come to hand, but I suppose it has gone to
Texas and will probably come back in a few days. I hope so at least
for I think your miniature must be in it and I dont want to lose
that. You ask me if you shall send me Marys. No I guess not. I think
I can do very well without it. I wouldnt carry her miniature for all
the world so long as she is so foolish as to say that I belong to
her as much as to you. I would like very well to have her Photograph
for friendship and cousinship (sic) sake, but not as long as she is
inclined to talk that way for it would only give her more
encouragement to talk more. I think she acts very curiously(?) to
say the least in doing as she does both as to talk and actions. She
has no right to ride with Blood without Mrs Blood knowing it.
The harm is not in riding with him (under some circumstances it
would not be) but in doing so and doing it on the sly. I think it is
mean to take advantage of our friendship and start on her excursions
from our home. I never liked her actions with Frank Summer(?) the
fall I was home. She is a homely old maid and it is foolish very
foolish for her to still act like a young girl. Nevertheless Mary
has her good qualities and she is smart but she would be liked much
better if she would act out just what we all know she is , viz (sic)
an old maid. I have been reading over some of your letters today and
found some questions I have not answered. You say you saw an account
of the taking of Fort Esperanza by Col Washburn and then say you
thought Washburn was a Gen. I told you once but perhaps you did not
notice it, that one Major Gen's name was C.C. Washburn that he used
to be a member of Congress from Wisconsin and had two brothers
members of Congress, one from Illinois and one from Maine(?) and all
are universalists(?). Col Washburn is Col of the 18th Ind
which is in the 1st Brg so when our Brigadier Gen Benton
was away Col Washburn was the oldest officer in rank in the brigade
and took command of the brg by virtue of his rank. All the soldiers
loved Gen W for he was a good Gen but he was dissatisfied with the
way things were managed in this department so he has left and gone
to Washington to report and I hope he will satisfy the powers that
be that Banks is not a General. _______ What do you think I am doing
tonight? One Co is guarding Conscripts in the "Factors(?)
Cotton Press", a large building which surrounds a whole square in
this city, with a large court as open space in the center. They are
from New York and are a hard set I tell you. Bah I wouldn't be a
conscript for all the world. I see by the papers that the old
42nd has reenlisted. Good. Poor Mell, he will be unable
to do so, but he has by this time (I hope) an honorable discharge. I
know he would go in if he was able. You say in this letter "dont
reenlist." I am very much afraid you will not like it but the more I
think of it the more I think I have done the best thing I could do,
for if I had come home this summer without reenlisting I could only
have brought home a little over $100. Now we can lay up $500.00, viz
the old $100 bounty and the new $400 bounty for I know we can live
on what we will get for as soon as we reorganize I shall draw $20
per month for I shall be orderly and it will not be long before I
have a commission and then if I see the war is likely to last long I
can resign though I would like to stay in long enough to lay up
$1000, besides paying my debts which wont be much. Major Hotchkiss
was here today. He is going home, has resigned. The boys of his regt
requested him to. Wm Henry told me. Dont say a word though. Wm
Henry's chances for a commission are good. Dont say anything for he
does not want it known and I would not tell anyone (not even his
folks) but you. I am in hopes to be on my way home next week by this
time. I shall not finish this till Sunday. Perhaps then there may be
some change by that time. It will take us two weeks or more to get
home for we will have to stop one day at least in Bloomington to
have a big dinner given by Gen Hovey. The time is not to be taken
out of our furlough though. I wish you could be there but you will
have chance enough to see us when I go back, Good night and may God
bless you. Saturday morning. Since I wrote you last I have been out
two evenings to hear speeches by southern men in favor of having
Louisiana come back into as a free state without slavery. On the
22nd there is to be an election for a free state
--------(?). Only think of it!! In this slave state!! I heard good
abolition speeches made by men who three years ago owned from thirty
to two hundred slaves, and also by men who were driven away from
here on account of love for the old Union. How times have changed,
or rather how time changes the opinions of mankind. Louisiana Ark
and Tennessee will soon elect United States officers and all will
again ---- themselves under the old "stars and stripes." The old
flag that "never moves but in path to victory" goes on conquering
and to conquer". It will soon float over foot of American soil. God
speed the day. How glorious is the thought that you and I have done
our part towards accomplishing this great end. If what we have done
shall cause our children and our children's children to praise(?)
the old flag and love the old union more than they otherwise would
have done, we shall be well paid for all we have endured. These days
when we are seperated (sic) from each other are dark days for us
Hortense, they are so dark sometimes I can hardly see the light, but
the light will come sure as God lives and rules supreme in all this
universe. We will have our reward Hortense as sure as fate for God
has promised it. "When this cruel war is over" we can look back to
these dark days with pride and joy and you my little wife will thank
God for this cruel seperation (sic). I an afraid you will think I do
not love you as I should or I would not have reenlisted. I will
prove to you that a man can love his country and still have ---- in
his heart for -------- woman(?) If a man has not a heart large
enough to love his country he has not one large enough to love a
true woman. A man whose soul is so narrow that he cant be a Patriot
is incapable of true love. And if a man is a true Patriot he must do
more than talk, he must act. If I did not love you Hortense
if I didnt love my family with my whole heart and soul I would not
be a Patriot. You have more influence in this matter than you can
imagine. My highest ambition is to be loved by you,
and how can you love me unless I prove by my actions that I am
worthy of love, and how can I prove my love if I profess to love my
country and yet am not willing to sacrifice my present happiness for
it. The man who will sacrifice nothing for the country he professes
to love, will sacrifice nothing for the woman he loves. Hortense do
love you, but it is a divided affection. My other sweet heart is the
old flag that floats over your head and mine and which protects you
and me and will protect our children long after our bodies have
moulded(?) beneath the green prairie of Illinois. Are you jealous of
that sweet heart? No, you love her too. She has been insulted. Let
me fight for her then for your sake and our childrens sake as I
would fight to protect you and them who I love and whose love is the
priz (?) and light of my life. Hortense, my faith is in this matter.
I am proud of my wife and her love. I am proud of my country and my
duty to one can never clash with my duty to the other
and any more than your love for me can clash with
your love for God. I have gone into this war from pure and good
motive. My cause(?) had your(?) sanction and I had your prayers. I
shall be very, very proud if my wife says "My husband
has done right. I love & honor him for it" Hortense the good
time is coming, we may have to wait for it, but it is sure to come.
Dont be discouraged nor down hearted. Let me be in at the death of
this rebellion, let me help bury it as I have helped kill it, and
all my future life shall be devoted to you and for the part you have
played in this war. for the fortitude with which you have bornn
(sic) your trials you will always have the love and honor of your
children and your husband. Hortense my love, my life, my world, good
bye for this time. I hope I shall soon be able to clasp you in my
arms and if I have done wrong will you forgive me? As ever your aff
husband,
John M. Follett
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